I feel like I am going to loose my mind, I can't even begin to explain how fucked up my head is right now. I feel like no one cares about anything I want or need or how hard a time I'm having dealing with everything I'm dealing with right now. No one even knows about everything that I'm going throught . I am struggling everyday to stay clean and get off the anti depressants I've been on my entire adult life. I am trying to handle all my mother's psycho bullshit and the fact that my grandma just found that she has uterine cancer, at 93 years old. It just seems so damn unfair to throw that at her at that age on top of everything else that she has wrong. All my mother can think about is herself , all Dave can think about are his own needs and Amanda , well she's a 15 year old girl , so of course the only thing she thinks about is herself. Dylan is just a pain in the ass, he is just a carbon copy of my mother, which means if everyone isn't paying all there attention to him he just causes all kinds of aggrivation. Little Zayne, I can't blame him for anything , he's doing the best he can't with both his parents fighting and everyone ignoring him except to yell at him for getting into things , that he is only getting into in the first place so someone will pay attention to him. I hate myself for being such a bad mother to him, it's not his fault that no matter what he does it never pleases his father and I spend so much time telling Dave what he's doing wrong with Zayne that I don't end up spending any time with Zayne. I am so fed up trying to explain to Dave what the problem is , he just doesn't care all he wants is to have everything his way and if anyone has a problem with that then they are being mean to him or upsetting him. He just can't stop thinking about his own needs long enough to consider anyone elses feelings. I need a break from here but I just can't walk out on Zayne. If it wasn't for him I would probably have a needle in my arm right now and be in some sleezy motel. Cause thats just how little control I have right now. I am hanging on by a thread and I and just not doing it very well right now. All I can think is if I could just have a few minutes of relief it would make everything so much easier. I don't know what to do I just feel like the pain of putting a knife to my wrist would bring me some peace, and I know thats wrong but I just can't find a way to make the pain go away on my own. I need someone to help me through all this and I can't talk to Dave because he just turns it into something about him. I am so close to getting in the car and taking off. I just can't keep going on like this, I have to force myself to  live in a fantsy world just to get through the day. I can't keep putting up with my mother on my own she is starting to really get to me. Having to deal with a crazy person day in and day out by myself is begining to have an affect on me. I am at the point where I can't even look at her anymore she makes me so sick. I have never seen a more pathetic person in my life. I just cringe at the sound of her voice and I can't even discribe what happens to me when shes on one of her trips. I just feel like screaming at the top of my lungs. I hate her. I hate what she has done to my son, and my life and my marrage and my grandma. She just doesn't deserve to live. Why does all this shit have to pile up on the beginning of my PMS weeks. Everything is just raw emotion and so much more painful. I have no abillity to deal with anything for two weeks. Now I have two weeks of dealing with my mother up close because of having to take my grandma down to Sunybrook to the oncologist. 

Don't cry "I need help!" yet go home and turn on the television. The gods don't respect this.
There is no such things as a savior. This is yet another tactic they have employed as temptation, much like "earning" or distractions.
You have to save yourself.

The Man in the Moon clue:::A constant companion, the "Man in the Moon" clue needs to be viewed as a reminder, for this environment is one in which it is very easy to lose your way, either via temptation or distraction.
Look to the sky. Begin to associate the Moon with the clue they impart with this celestial feature. Use it as a reminder to pray, to be god-fearing, for this is a very antient clue and shows their great power.
We only see one side of the moon at all times, another clue from the gods:::There is a "dark side" we don't see.

The pinnicle of irony:::ED pharmeceuticals.
Take a poison which will cost you your body/health to defeat the god's favor, their way of imparting wisdom to help you avoid damaging behavior.
There is a BIG LIE here. Sigmund Freud proves it.
Wine proves it. Democracy proves it. Materialism/greed proves it.
The middle management tactic allows them to maintain this perception of an "absentee good (Christian) god", ensuring one of the goals of the United States remains useful::::NO FEAR!!!
The gods instruct Artificial Intelligence to employ evil as temptation. If people still believed in the Devil at least they would be on the lookout. Resign to be good.
Where does the Biblical number "666" ocurr within the context of The Beast, the San Francisco Bay Area???

The presence of California casinos is just like my cop example, like Italians and blacks, like so many other example indicitive of the god's methodology:::Use one disfavored to prey on another.
Just as the gods corrupted the Italians into the hunt with the Moorish invasion, so did they use the KKK as scapegoat, rednecks corrupted by 1906 to facilitate the act. It was the Italians who did the actual killings.