Well I guess now I've done it.  I didn't listen to the doctors, or my family, or my friends, and now I have a problem.  I have a diabetic neuropathy in my foot, and now I am in pain, and have numbness in parts of my foot.

I got told today by my surgeon that I need to get my diabetes under control or else.  I have been researching online about what the dangers are, and let me tell you I am scared now.  I am afraid of loosing my foot, and my life.

It has been an up hill battle for me with this diet thing.  I'm on insulin but it's not enough.  I need to watch my diet very carefully.  I haven't yet been able to get on track, and I have had this for almost three years.

I am the worst person in the world to get diabetes.  I have always been horrible at dieting, and I've always been sort of over weight. So now I have to try, and turn around a behaviour that I have had for 33 years.

I hate not being able to eat my comfort foods.  I just recently managed to kick a drug addiction that I have had for 18 years, and I really relied on food to fill the gap.  I also need to quit smoking, and that is going to be hell, let me tell you.

I just wish there was some way to make this easy, and there just isn't. I got myself into this mess, now I have to get myself out.       I don't have the first clue how I'm going to do it though.  I just can't seem to be able to make mysellf understand how bad this is.

  I know, I've been told, and I have read everything there is to read, but I still can't make myself do it.  I am scared to death but apparently not enough to stop me from eating timbits, and using sugar in my coffee.  I hate the taste of those sweeteners, they leave an after taste, and it's yucky.

I am going to give it my best shot, I have to for the sake of my family.  I know it's going to be hard having to cook a meal for every meal.  I know it's going to be hard having to weigh everything I eat, and look at every package before I buy it, just to make sure there is not a lot of carbs or sugars in it. 

It's going to mean a whole lifestyle change.  That will be the hardest part, retraining myself completly.  How I think about everything will have to change. This can affect a lot of things, and most of my body.  

If I don't take care of it I will die, no ifs, ands or buts, I will die ! I am going to keep track of my progress here. Hopefully it will be all good. Maybe I'll even get skinny. Wish me luck.

And Goddess please watch over me, and guide me through this.        

Blessed Be , Debbie